Tuesday, February 14, 2012

From the Lord to the Lord this Valentine morn

On this Valentine morn, I particularly feel somewhat lonely, not that I have not passed through several Valentine Days ever since my ex-wife divorced me in 2008.  Perhaps, it is because it is the first Valentine Day, away from the matrimonial home that I used to live.  Although the Court granted the interim divorce order in 2008, I had been staying in the same matrimonial home still, for the subsequent years, until December 2011, i.e. I stayed on for more than 3 years, for the sake of my 2 children.  The long-drawn divorce proceeding (concerning all the ancillary issues, like care and control of children and their custody, and the split of matrimonial assets) lasted almost four years.  Since late December 2011, I have been living with my children in a small 2 bedroom flat, for the Court has finally awarded the care and control of the children to me. 

This morning after my daughter has left for school (my son is for the time-being, in a period of boarding, in his school), I was left feeling quite alone.  The children are much bigger now, compared to their ages, 4 years ago, when the divorce was instituted by the children's mother.  They are now both having busy schedules of their own, coming from their studying in the best secondary schools in the country.  In another short couple of years, they will be going to the universities, likely even to universities overseas. 

Perhaps, it was not just this morning, in the last couple of days, thinking about these things, was already arousing in me a sense of loneliness.  Although the divorce definitely left a void in me, and I was feeling lonely, especially in the early stages of the proceeding, somehow I just do not remember feeling awfully lonely in the past few Valentine Days, even though as far as I can remember now I was not celebrating any of those, with anyone.

I engaged in small things, doing a bit of cleaning in the house, here and there, and then I switched on the radio (to have some voice in the house), and tried making a holder for a dish-washing sponge.  Of course, it is Valentine morning, the radio is on the "you know what theme" - Valentine theme: love songs, flowers and gifts, etc.  Maybe it was not a good idea to switch on the radio. Well, it was still early in the morning, for I had got up  before 5.30am just so that I could prepare breakfast for my daughter and to see her off to school at the door.  It was still too early for me to get ready to go to work at the office.

Somehow, I started singing too, despite my lament of how the radio only made me feel more lonely.  Below is the song I believe has been inspired by the Lord, and I sang it back to the Lord.  With a little "editing", I named this song from the Lord, to the Lord as "The near you".

In the past, I have omitted to share about my personal life on this blog, other than those connected to my little ministry, and generally, to faith-related theme. Part of the reason was that there was then a legal case on, of the divorce; the another, was that it is generally NOT edifying for people to learn of divorce.  However, what has happened has happened, and we, as Christians, are to live transparent lives, it is perhaps time for me to open up.  In any case, it was not I who wanted to put asunder to the institution of marriage of God.  In fact, I struggled with this point - that the marriage was being put asunder, but in my case, I have finally (after much painful struggles) "heard" from God that He had accepted the facts, and so, I should just moved on; and from there, from the darkest time of my life, I began to surface from the bottom of the pit with the help of God. 

Make no mistake that I am NOT wallowing in self-pity or wanting back the past; the spiritual journey of the last 4 years, from that divorce, was most amazing relative to the previous many, many years of Christian life.  In my sorrowful period, God gave me the joy of touching lives to the tune of, in 7 weeks I touched more lives than I did in any 7 years period, previous.  God acted supernatural on me, and used me to perform the supernatural on others.  God granted me, words of knowledge and prophecy, used me to pray for the sick, and granted me favour in the eyes of church leadership and brethrens.  Many lives were touched in the last 4 years, and the Lord has healed through me; I have had 2 occasions of praying and seeing people's legs grew (to level up) before my eyes.  No, I am NOT promoting divorce or suffering, but I am saying in the most difficult period of my life, God unstealth-moded himself and took me into his bosom, cared for me, nursed me, and comforted me, and encouraged and helped me to rise up. 

Some of the most beautiful visions I had from God included "The Lord as the Papa Eagle" and "I, being saved by the golden sash of the Lord".  Both of these, if you are interested to read, are in a single article: "The Lord as the Papa Eagle" (the golden sash vision is in the appendix of the article).  It has been a fantastic journey, with you near, Lord.

The near you (morning of 14 Feb 2012)
I do not know what lie -- before me
I only know -- you are - with me
May I always feel this way -- about you
That you are always this way –- the near – you

May you - be near me
May you - be near me
May you - be near me
Al --- ways -

Lord, be near me
Lord, be near me
Lord, be near me
Al --- ways --

Then the sky will change
Dark clouds will scatter
The sun will shine again
And my spirit - will be up once again

Then the sky will change
Dark clouds will scatter
The sun will shine again
And my spirit - will be up once again.

And my spirit - will be up once -– again ---.

May your faith not in anyway diminished by the knowing that I am a servant of the Lord who had not been able to keep my marriage going.  Rather, may you be encouraged to see that the Lord is NOT far away.  May, if you are in any affliction of life, know that God can show Himself to you; call to Him, call to Him today.

Anthony Chia, high.expressions - Lord, actually when I started, I was NOT intentioned that this article was to talk about my "that affliction", and you know that I have had abandoned previous entries because that sensitive subject sneaked in.  This time, I'm letting it go, and so, may you help readers to receive only the positives of this entry.  Lord, may you also be pleased with the song crafted above.  Indeed, I like "the near you" so much.  Forgive me, for lack of reverence for your presence, and my many indulgences.  Indeed, forgive me that I often disregarded you, when you, by your Holy Spirit, were and are already indwelling me, regardless of my sensing you as being near or NOT.  Thank you, Lord, for journeying with me in the last 4 years.  In Jesus' most precious name, I pray and give thanks.  Amen.

PS: Marriage must be saved at all cost.  As far as it depends on you, you are to save your marriage.  I (and the church) have made all attempts to save my marriage but it was to no avail.  My testimony is NOT to show that it is alright to have a marriage break-up.  Please seek help if your marriage is breaking up.

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